“I spontaneously lost 10 pounds over the holidays!” That’s what my client just told me. Julie was quite pleased. Now you might think her experience was rather unusual. Normally, most of us expect to gain a little weight over the holidays.
In Julie’s case, she was off work temporarily, but nonetheless thankful that she had a job to return to after the break. She’d made it a point to get some extra rest. Stress was at a minimum. While she’s happy enough to have lost the ten pounds, she didn’t set out to do it. She simply set out to relax.
“I’m back to where I started from,” Julie said. “Now perhaps I can make some progress.” Now you’re getting a clearer picture of the situation, aren’t you? The truth is she’d set out last fall to lose a few pounds and, instead, had allowed herself to get caught up in a stressful situation at work. The result? Instead of losing, she’d actually gained ten pounds. Ouch!
But Julie didn’t present her story that way. She presented a pretty balanced view of the situation. Granted she’d gotten caught up with the work stress and gained a few pounds. However, having recognized what happened, she took concrete steps to bring balance back to her life before things got out of hand.
The result? Well, at least she maintained the status quo! Had she allowed herself to spiral out of control, the situation could have turned out to be much more costly for her health.
Julie’s two major keys to success in the stressful situation were awareness and expectation.
She was fully aware that stress had temporarily gained the upper hand in her life. She didn’t sweep that insight under the rug, but took the first reasonable opportunity to implement a corrective course of action — in this case, an intentionally relaxing vacation.
In talking with Julie about what had happened, it struck me that even though she’d missed her original weight loss goal by a noticeable margin, she hadn’t allowed herself to get too worked up about it. “Things happen,” she said. And she let it go.
This is where expectation comes into the picture.
Over the years, I’ve encountered any number of people in hot pursuit of a goal. Weight loss is a common one, but acquiring mental or emotional balance ranks right up there, too. Right along with financial independence, freedom from pain, relationship success, and the wanton pursuit of happiness.
Some, of course, are more successful than others. Some pursue harder than others. Some, it almost seems, have an uncanny ability to sabotage more goals than they ever set. Naturally, I’ve made a point to observe their strategies.
Expectation is big. Here’s what I’ve observed.
Set your expectations for yourself too high, and things probably won’t go well. When I run into the person who expects their life to run perfectly, disappointment is sure to follow. In real life, it sounds like this: “I said I was never going to feel this way again and now I do. My life is ruined! Bring on the chocolate!”
On the other hand, the person who figures — well, it’s a journey — sometimes you correct right; sometimes you correct left; you average down the middle of the road — that person has a chance. “Ok, I don’t like feeling this way,” they might say, “but I know what caused it and there’s something to be done. Might as well take care of it now and then get on with things.”
But here’s the inevitable paradox. Set your expectations too low and things won’t go so well either. How many people sell themselves short of reaching attainable life-changing goals simply because they can’t or won’t exert the extra effort to pull them off? Literally millions.
It’s the old “I said I’d get three people signed up by next week, but there’s only a week left and nobody’s signed up yet so I guess they aren’t going to. Might as well cancel and save myself some stress…” conversation.
To which one might reply, “Now wait just a minute. You’ve still got a whole week. Pull the rabbit out of the hat and find yourself three people!” The person with a fire lit under them can do it. Trust me, I’ve seen ’em. And the person who wants to ‘spare the stress’ will surrender their opportunity to this guy every time.
So where do we find the healthy balance? It’s gotta be somewhere in the middle. I think the healthiest expectation is expressed by the person who’s willing to do whatever it takes to bring in a goal at 110%, all the while realizing that it’s natural for the course to wind and correct a bit on the way to their target. That’s a healthy expectation.
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