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herren rolex Previously on Masterchef some guy from this years Masterchef beat some guy from another years Masterchef The end Tonight on Masterchef more secrets for a given value of that word This may be the most Mastercheffy episode of Masterchef ever given that it revolves around Nonnas Nonnas are the lifeblood of this show Not only Nonnas of course Omas and Yiayias and other words for grandmother that I cant remember but the Nonna pretty much reigns supreme as the most commonly referenced source of recipes inspiration and tearjerking backstory over the years And here we are with a Nonnacentred show Its very exciting particularly if you have a Nonna fetish Its a grey and gloomy day in Melbourne but the sun is shining in the amateurs hearts Idiots Im just thinking about what could possibly be next says Steph what is the next huge secret they could make us do Steph is obediently using the madeup definition of secret around which Secrets Week revolves Apparently secret just means a thing you know now that you didnt know before Gary compliments Sandeep on his immunity pin Sandeep gives credit to the team for helping him on his way Lovely says Gary with a hefty dose of sarcasm he finds Sandeeps generosity weak and despicable George begins talking about Italian people He is really into Italian people in a big way This also seems to apply somewhat to their food Matt has been thinking of Italian food Gary loves pasta But where is this going Ahthe challenge is a fourcourse Italian menu for eighty diners The majority of the diners are Italian while a small number are the South American grandchildren of Nazi war criminals And todays secret Nonnas Yes Masterchef has bred a batch of geneticallyengineered Italian grandmothers to release into the kitchen Into the room come Rosa and Olympia two ordinary Nonnas who also happen to own and operate successful Italian restaurants Cant help feeling the latter fact might be why theyre here more so than their ethnic heritage and fertility of their offspring News Limited columnist Joe Hildebrands girlfriends dad is Italian and he has extrapolated this to a belief that he is peculiarly wellsuited to this challenge The fool Rosa and Olympia dont even have Italian accents Are they even Nonnas Anyway the Nonnas are here to help the teams as they cook for the fugitive diners One team is red one team is green There is no white team so the Italian flag remains incomplete Captain of the red team is Abbey who lives near Italians and so shares in the apparently common delusion that you can gain Italian cooking expertise via osmosis Captain of the green team is Christina who is so excited she almost modulated her voice Rosa definitely looks nicer than Olympia Olympia looks like the kind of Nonna who would drown you at birth Rosa looks like she would just whisper confidencesapping insults into your ear every day as you grow up Abbey suggests cooking beef cheeks Rosa says shes not familiar with beef cheeks because shes of Sicilian extraction and in Sicily cows dont have cheeks Abbey carefully considers Rosas advice and then decides that she doesnt give a shit what Rosa says Theyre going to do beef cheeks goddammit Tati is worried that this might be the wrong call because of Rosas ignorance but the challenge is to make a fourcourse meal for eighty diners not pander to the narrow knowledge base of the old woman they just met Over on the green team Olympia orders Christina to make a basil mayonnaise She offers to help Kyle but the offer doesnt sound particularly sincere You can tell how disappointed she is when Kyle accepts her help On the red team Tati and Nicole are making zucchini flowers I still dont know what the point of zucchini flowers are Everyone on cooking shows loves making them but Ive never seen one in real life and frankly they sound horrible News Limited columnist Joe Hildebrand is making pasta and he takes the opportunity to mention again his girlfriends Italian ancestry Then thirty seconds later he mentions it again We are now forced to watch footage of him at home making pasta with his girlfriends Nonna The likelihood grows that News Limited columnist Joe Hildebrand started dating this woman purely so he could mention her Nonna on Masterchef Cooking Italian food is my thing he says lying shamelessly Nonna Rosa is screaming at the red team to put the beef cheeks on She doesnt understand that you dont wear beef cheeks you cook them I dont know why shes even offering an opinion on the beef cheeks given shes already admitted she doesnt know jack shit about them because of the Mafia George quizzes Christina on the activities of the green team He seems unimpressed by their ambitions for the agnolotti of which they must make a huge amount in a short space of time using only the inept hands and brain of News Limited columnist Joe Hildebrand Christina is worried that his pasta is looking too dry News Limited columnist Joe Hildebrand doesnt give a fuck what Christina thinks this is exactly how he makes pasta with his girlfriends grandmother so he knows itll be perfect On the red team Rosa suggests that they make some green crap to put on stuff They agree this sounds pretty Sicilian Meanwhile Tessa is going to teach Sandeep how to cut scampi which is pretty patronising of her Hes the one with the immunity pin motherfucker News Limited columnist Joe Hildebrand claims his pasta is the funnest pasta you could ever make The impression that he has not the slightest fucking clue what hes doing is rapidly getting stronger Anushka is making panna cotta which is Italian for a pan full of cots so named because it was originally made in medieval Italy by stewing babys beds in a cream sauce Something is wrong with Anushkas panna cotta Shes unsure of the ratio Rosa asks whether she measured it Anushka says she did measure it but now shes confused Maths is not her strong suit and neither is cooking The green team is making panna cotta too How fucking original Larissa is determined on getting everything right because she knows that Italians are passionate about their food unlike other nationalities who really dont give a shit about food at all and theyll be in trouble if they make anything offensive I dont know in what way their food could be offensive Pasta in the shape of tits Accidentally slipping a denunciation of the invasion of Abyssinia into the osso bucco Steph is making basil oil She explains how to make basil oil Its a very uninteresting process Nonna Olympia tastes the basil oil She couldnt be more unimpressed if she was watching George eat Nonna Olympia doesnt like Steph much Nobody blames her Steph is going on and on about the basil mayonnaise But the mayonnaise is more like an emulsion than mayonnaise and dear god how is this sequence making it to air How boring was the stuff that got cut if Stephs musings on the relative viscosity of basilflavoured condiments made the cut Were focusing a lot on the green team at present what with their overlyrunny basil mayonnaise and their calamari and Stephs insistence on explaining everything But now back to the red team who must make their zucchini flowers with incredible speed and no concern at all for whether theyre a good idea in the first place Back to the green team where Christina is checking every single dish before it goes out because every one needs to be perfect It wont work theyre not going to be perfect because as we know the basil mayonnaise is too runny goddamn you Steph Sure enough Gary thinks the calamari and basil mayonnaise looks insipid But its not how it looks its how it tastes And it tastes insipid The mayonnaise is too oily Steph has made a complete ballsup of her emulsifying schtick The red teams zucchini flowers go out You cant hide with Italian food says George determined that words should come out of his mouth regardless of whether he has a point or not You cant hide with Italian food What the hell does that mean What food CAN you hide with Chinese Turkish Can you hide with Indian food because you can use a naan as a blanket Anyway the zucchini flowers apparently taste good Or at least they taste like how zucchini flowers are supposed to taste The red team has not finished prepping their cavallo nero or something that sounds like that Disappointing calls Nonna Rosa Ouch When Rosa tells you youve disappointed her it fucking STINGS Heads drop all over the red kitchen Out comes the red teams scampi pasta Its great George tries to pronounce al dente in an Italian way and its awful It seems like Sandeep learnt to cut scampi fairly well Green team start plating up their agnolotti News Limited columnist Joe Hildebrand starts going on about his fucking girlfriends grandmother again Hes unnaturally keen on impressing his girlfriends grandmother Its justunsettling to hear him talk about it The green teams pasta has hit a snag the burnt butter sauce is garbage and Christina will not soil her good name by letting it go out People are waiting for their pasta but frankly they are getting a free meal so they have no right to complain about anything After some remedial sauce work the agnolotti begin going out The judges like it Joe Hildebrands girlfriends Nonna will be very proud assuming she watches the show or even remembers who he is Now its time for main course which is the third course because this is Italian food which means everyone is getting absolutely stuffed The green teams osso bucco is ready Christina outlines her aims get it on the plate and get it out to everyone Shell make a great chef one day because she recognises that food that a person has is better than food that a person doesnt have The red team prepares their beef cheeks the very same cheeks that Nonna Rosa found objectionable She still doesnt look too impressed to be honest With every plate that goes out shes thinking Fucking beef cheeks what a fucking disgrace The judges like the look of the red teams polenta and the tenderness of the beef cheeks which are falling apart as easily as Georges claims of fairness towards his employees Overall they love the dish Another triumph for the red team and a devastating blow to Rosas reputation for good judgment The green teams osso bucco pops up on the judges table It also features polenta These teams are determined to foster the idea that there are only six ingredients in Italy The judges like the osso bucco too Disappointing Finally time for dessert Actually it seemed to happen pretty quickly Theyre going to get indigestion The green teams panna cotta is good Gary stuffs his face The red teams panna cotta is good too But Matt asks did they need to put the berries on Its a worry they wouldnt be the first people to have their dreams crushed by superfluous berries Zola Budd for example Service is over Everyone hugs Christina expresses a desire to keep Nonna Olympia Her voice doesnt change hard to say whether shes joking or genuinely threatening abduction George asks Rosa and Olympia whether they had a good time Rosa says she did with an insincere smile Olympia says she did without even bothering to smile Olympia doesnt care if you know shes lying Shes too old for this shit Both teams did well except the green team They fucked up their calamari thanks to Stephs total inability to make a basil mayonnaise that didnt look and taste like ferret urine and so off to elimination they go Should they blame Steph for her incompetence Christina for her ineffectual leadership or Olympia for subtly sabotaging them throughout Sucks quite a bit because we did a really good job says Christina incorrectly theyre in elimination because a really good job is not what they did Own it skipper Tune in tomorrow when people hold up cards with words on them Help me live my recapping dream by supporting my Patreon the warm inner glow you get will be well worth it For more hot takes on Masterchef check out the Washing Up podcast Australias foremost Mastercheffy audio extravaganza